How to write like an improviser

This year I finished my first book and the next one is already 55k words in. Not too shabby, eh?

It does not, however, mean that I know what I’m doing. As I teenager I wanted to be a writer, but then at some point, I gave up on that dream. Why? Because it was too huge and too scary.

I’m not saying that it is less scary now, but at least now I have the skillset to deal with it – the skill set of an improviser. So, without further ado, here are some improv tips to keep in mind that could help you in writing and possibly in any creative activity.

1. Just do it

It can feel scary and intimidating, but if you do not take this step, nothing will happen. So, be there and do something. It does not have to perfect and it cannot be – especially when you have never done it before. But before this step, there is no growth. You will not become good at something by just hoping that you will get good at it. You have to do it. It is as simple as that.

2. Enjoy what you do

Imagine that you write a book but no-one buys or likes it. Pretty bad, eh? Now imagine that you hated writing it and spent several years of your time on it. Sound terrible, right?

The least you can do it is enjoy it yourself and even if the world does not need it later, you had already your fair share, and that is good enough.

3. Discover

I’m always curious to see where the story goes. Shouldn’t I know it as a writer? Maybe, but it would not be as fun if I did. Knowing too much ahead could even hinder the writing. Especially if everything is super detailed and well thought through in the movie that you see in your head. How could you ever put all that perfection into words? Well, obviously, you can’t. At least not like that. You could get it pretty close, but it will never be exactly as you have it imagined - the writing process changes the outcome, whether you want it or not. 

However, that is not a bad thing. You discover something new and maybe even better.

4. Ask 'What comes next'

The main thing is to know what comes next. And then you will see what comes after that. Step by step.

Some things will come naturally when you start looking at the situation through the eyes of the characters. What would this character do in that situation? Well, you know the answer. Also, why not add some challenges to the characters? Enforce them with hurdles and joys. Have fun with them.

5. Be aware of what happened before

Sure, you might say, I'll just write something down with your neat trick of 'what comes next', but it will not be a good story. Well, have you seen a good long-form improv show? The actors do not know where they are going with all that but somehow it still works. Why? Because they are aware of what was already there before and can then link it all together. 

Keith Johnstone (one the grandfathers of modern improv) compared long-form improv with a man who walked backwards - still moving ahead but always aware of what he had already passed.

It is a skill that can be trained.

6, Make mistakes

I'm not saying that you should do them intentionally, but at least don't be afraid to do them. I know my English is not perfect, it is not my native language, but I will not first go take all the possible English classes before I try writing in it. Mistakes happen. Sometimes I create words. Sometimes I have to use google translate or synonym generator to find the right expression. This writing would not exist if I would be afraid to make mistakes.

Just do the best you can with the current tools and skills you have and that is good enough.

7. Be ready to let go of your ideas

There are some ideas that are not too great and even if you write them down, they will not work. Still, try to finish them, and then just go on. No-one has to see them or even know that they existed. It's like in improv - sometimes you create crap. The aim is to get your skill to the level so high that even your bad show is good enough. The same should be true with writing.

So, be ready to let go of your ideas, even if they can feel the best ideas ever at the time. Just write then down with the skills and words you have and then tuck them away. You can always revisit them some months or years later. Maybe you just did not have the skills to make it work yet? Or maybe the idea just was not good enough. In any case, you will know it later. But now, let this one go, and take the next project.

8. Make clear choices to move the story forward

Writing a book can sometimes feel like an improv show. You go on the stage with a great idea and then someone comes with an even better one. Only this someone is also you. Well, one of you has to let go of the idea, obviously. But which idea should you go with? If you have not decided it after a day or two, just pick one and stick to it - even if it was not the best choice, it is better than being stuck and not doing anything.

Also, if it is writing, you can correct it later if you want to.

What should be the name of the drunk character who limps around in the palace? Who cares. What we actually care about is why is he limping around in the palace or why is he drunk.
Several of my characters have been called just a single letter at one time, only because I knew I had to get the part written down and I could always come back later to add a proper name. And even if I added a name later, I was not 100% sure about it, but at least it was better than a single letter. The single-letter thing worked only for Mr.T.

9. Tell the story you would like to hear

Would you in a different universe, who has never written a book, pick this book up, read it and give it a positive review? If not, why? You don't have to love it before you show it to others, but it should be at least something you would like to read. As they say, to love others you first have to love yourself. So, to please others you first have to...

10. Use what you have

Do you know how to create the best lasagna? Use that for a character. Not that you have to share your mother's secret recipe, but what you can share is the feeling of making a good lasagna. You have that experience in you, and you can just give it to any made-up character. Just add your experiences to the blender, mix them up and then use them where needed to the tell the story you would like to tell.

There is no shame in using your own stuff. Instead, you can add surprising credibility to your characters with it.

Also, if you are into improv, theatre, live-action roleplay or dungeons and dragons you already know how to create characters. Do that if you need a character for your writing.

Use whatever you have at your disposal.

So, this was my two cents! Hopefully, you will find these ideas just as helpful as I did. 

May your creativity fly.

Philosophies in Improv

I have had several improv teachers in my life and have tried and seen many different approaches. However, I have not met something that tries to capture improv philosophies and it is a shame as it can make a ton of difference.
Here I will try to do something along these lines. Though, I recommend taking it with a grain of salt. I'm no expert in the matter. These are just some thoughts.

Why is it important?

Let me give you an example. In LARP (live action role play) there are two main attitudes: play to win or to have an adventure.
In case you want to have the latter, you make a group of a fighter, spellcaster, healer, thief, etc - you know, the classic variety - and just try to have a great story together. Yes, it is great if you can also finish your mission, but the main aim is on the narrative and roleplay. You keep your real life and game separated.
In case you play to win, your approach is very different. You set up a group of clerics (essentially, tanks with healing spells) and use anything at your disposal to win the game/mission/narrative. Hence you have already made plans and preparations in advance to make sure you succeed.
You can already guess what happens when these two approaches clash within one game. Both will accuse the other of not being a good sport.
Both act based on their philosophy and expect others to do the same... and this is the problem. However, if you are aware of these two very different approaches, you can act accordingly and as a game master even make games that would challenge both. While it is wise to keep these approaches in mind, note that there are plenty of players who are somewhere in the middle.

What about in improv?

I have been pondering this question for a long time. I see the difference, but don't know how to put it into words. However, it can help to look at the last 2 improv books in my collection:
The Improviser's Way: A Longform Workbook by Katy Schutte
TAKE IT EASY™ by Ryan Millar
Both brilliant in their own way and both made by brilliant improv actors/teachers (and I met both of them in my first year in improv).
One gives very specific instructions on how to create and train for a format, while the other gives advice on how to not fret too much, be like water and go with whatever is there.  I don't want to call them conflicting approaches, however, one seems to be more structure oriented while the other is more about discovering what is already there. Don't get me wrong, you can also discover what is there within a structure and you can just as well create a structure around what you discover on the spot - we do it all the time on the stage.
The question is more along the lines of what do you establish first.

The Actors Dream

Sometimes we tend to forget what a magnificent thing we do as improv teachers. A stage is a scary place and many people have had nightmares of being in the middle of it and not knowing what to say.  This nightmare is so common among people who are constantly on stage that even has a name: The Actors Dream.
We, the improv teachers are challenging this nightmare and it is not a small feat as there are only two things we can do about it. The stage is scary - you can improve the armour or remove the fear.
How do you improve the armour? By learning structure and things that work. By adding items to your toolbox for every possible situation. By being in control.
How do you remove the fear? By individual work with yourself. By letting go and being like water. By understanding that there is no such thing as failure, life is short and you will die anyway (... eh, that was me, sorry).
You can see how these two ways link to the two previously mentioned books.

Teachers or Supporters?

It seems to me that we can also do the same separation on how improv is taught.
There are those who have a set rules system and way of doing improv. There is a right and wrong way to do improv and everything that does not fit their school attitude is seen as wrong.
(For example, there are people who see improv on serious topics as blasphemy - improv, in their opinion, should always make you laugh.)
These teachers are very proud of the school they participated in - seeing this as a proof that they do the right thing.
The result is that pupils know how to make a great show in a specific style of improv, however, do not often know how to appreciate other forms and attitudes.

Next to that, we also have the ones who just set a few ground rules (support and listen) and tell you to explore - be like a child and discover. Everything, (as long as you do not go against the ground rules)  is permitted and fine. The scene can be on any topic, as long as you can commit to it.
These teachers have often self-learned, have experience from different sections (clowning, etc) and have combined several teachings together. The result is pupils who are better people... as the focus is more on listening and supporting skills (that are helpful also in real life)... they also have a wider view on the topic - however, it takes more time to get them stage ready in the beginning.
What I have also seen more in this way of learning improv, is that people discover more things about themselves and often pick up hobbies they used to have in their childhood - improv is still there, but more like a framework or idea that influences life, not so much as an art form that you have to perform in.

Now, I fully know that these are generalisations and just as in LARP, one is not better than the other, it just has a different focus. Most of us are somewhere in between.

However, thinking about these topics can help us understand fellow improvisers better.

Rules in Improv

"If you are improvising, why do you have rules and rehearsals?"

I'm sure every improviser has heard this question and it is a tricky one. Shouldn't improvisation just come on the go? Isn't it just an innate thing that happens?

For years I have tried to explain the need for rules via the metaphor of ball game. Let's say that you have a group of friends who decide to play ball together. You could just toss it to each other or play football or basketball with it... but in order to play, all of you must understand what you are playing. You cannot play soccer and rugby at the same time (though, American football tries to do that). 

While it gives some explanation, I'm not sure it is the best one.

It is not only that we impose rules... often they just happen due to necessity.

The stage is yours

I was pondering on this question last week and raised it in my improv class. Many students mentioned that they had been thinking about it before so at the end of the class I decided to make a small experiment. We had half an hour to do anything on stage - as long as something was happening on it. No rules! (that ironically is also a rule :P) Though I did give some suggestions to make it easier.

Making total chaos is difficult. To keep on doing it for a long period of time is even harder. Our brains are hard-wired to see and create patterns and make sense of things. 

But it also varies by person. It's like writing an essay on a free subject. Some people just dig in while others are overwhelmed by all the possibilities.

Same happens on stage when you say that you can do anything. Some start creating order while others freeze. But trust me, do it long enough and everyone there wants to have some set of rules. Even the Freeform in improv has some rules, though sometimes vague and even in there, patterns start happening.

We need the safe zone to play in. 

We need a shape for the chaos. 

Chaos in a can

I feel that this is a bit better way to explain why we have rules in improv: Let's say that there is a huge ocean of chaos and you fill your glass from it  - taking just a section of the overall and giving it a shape. It is still chaos but in a specific shape. In a glass, it is easier to handle and consume.

Just as in our lives. We have our own routines and patterns that we use to make sense of the overwhelming chaos. If something disturbs that security we can get quite agitated. Nowadays the best example of random chaos, that everyone understands, is your phone or computer breaking down. Suddenly the thing that you use every day is no longer there - the order is broken.The same thing can happen when people around us die or travel abroad or whatever ... our balance gets broken and a trauma that brakes the balance really badly can sometimes even leave it this way for years to come.

I believe that all of us have a threshold of chaos we can handle and it is something that you can get better at. Improv helps. What we do on the stage is taking chaos and turning it into order. Taking randomness and turning it into a narrative. Turning strange and odd stuff into things that people can relate to. 

This is why we have rules - to introduce you to chaos. This is what we do in rehearsals. 

This is also why the longer you have been doing improv, the more you see the rules as guidelines that you can break with people that can handle it (or they just stick to one or two rules for every situation).

Rules are the auxiliary wheels you need when handling chaos because it does not come naturally and needs some order around it to emerge.

10 Levinud Eksiarvamust Improteatrist

Improteater, kui eraldi teatrivorm, on siinmail tegutsenud varsti juba pea kümme aastat. Tõsi, improharjutused teatriproovides olid olemas ammu enne seda. See oli pigem näitlejatreeningu osa, mis jäi tahatubadesse kui üks samm näitlejameisterlikkuseni - lavale seda naljalt ei toodud.

Ligi kümme aastat on aga laval kohapeal sündinud teatrit nähtud.

Nagu iga uue asjaga on ka siin väga palju eksiarvamusi. Ma pole nii naiivne uskumaks, et see kirjutis palju muudab, aga äkki midagi. Järgnevalt kümme eksiarvamuslikku fraasi improteatri kohta, mida vast iga improtaja on kuulnud.

1. Improteatrites kiusatakse publikut.

Ei! Publikuga on suhtlust, aga see on austav ja mänguline.

Me ei koti esimest rida nagu mõned püstijalakoomikud. Tõsi on aga see, et me võime teid enne etenduse algust panna plaksutama, huilgama või jalgu trampima. Samuti on näiteks publiku soojendusmänge, kus keset stseeni on vaja publikul kindlat heli teha. Erinevalt klassikalisest teatrist on siin hääle tegemine lubatud. Naerge nii kõvasti kui tuleb, ei pea selle üle piinlikkust tundma.


On ka mänge kus on tarvis publikuliiget lavale, kuid see tähendab ka seda, et me hoolitseme publiku eest laval. Kõik mis te laval teete on meie asi ära põhjendada ja kasutada - teil ei ole võimalik eksida!
Nii et seda ei tasu liialt karta,

Meil olgu hea ning publikul olgu hea ning nii olgu. Aamen.

2. Kõik improteater on samasugune.

Ja kõik pallimängud (jalgpall, korvpall, võrkpall jne) on ka identsed, eksole?!

Tegelikult on improteatris palju formaate, lähenemisi, tehnikaid jne. Põhiline on, et kogu lavale toodava materjali sisu tekiks kohapeal koostöös publikuga. Suuremas plaanis võib improteatri jaotada kaheks:

* lühivorm - lühikesed naljakad stseenid/mängud kindlate reeglitega.

* pikkvorm - täispikk etendus, mis räägib mingi loo või on lihtsalt stseenid, mis on mingil moel seotud tervikuks.
Ja siis on ka vabavorm - kõik on lubatud (aga luuakse siiski mingid korduvad mustrid).

Sa võid teha kasvõi täispika etenduse inspireeritud Shakespeare'i teostest ning sellele järgneb etendus mille kogu tegevus toimub vee all kaheksajalgade maailmas - kõik on võimalik.

Ainus, mis on kindel: sisu sünnib kohapeal.

3. Ma olen korra improt juba näinud, ma tean küll seda värki.

Vaata uuesti eelmist punkti. Esiteks on iga etendus erinev ja teiseks on ka erinevad formaadid. Pealegi on erinevusi ka grupidünaamikas - erinevad grupid võivad sama formaati vägagi erinevalt esitada. Mida rohkem etendusi sa näed seda rohkem suudad sa tajuda ka selle sündi laval. See on omaette mäng, kuid vajab natukene sisseharjutamist, mida ühest etendusest enamasti ei saa. Peale kahe - kolme etenduse nägemist tekib aga juba miski võrdlusmoment ja taju.

4. Fine, aga see on ju ikkagi alati naljakas.

No jaa, aga mitte kõik improteatrid pole võtnud huumorit eraldi eesmärgiks.  Kindel on see, et huumor tekib orgaaniliselt ootamatutest olukordadest laval. Ära ehmu aga, kui improteatri etendus kutsub sind karakteritele kaasa elama ning võib ka kurbusepisara silmanurka tuua kui nendega midagi halba juhtub. Nalja saab, aga etendus võib olla ka tõsine (ja ei, need ei ole vastandid. On võimalik olla tõsine ja naljakas samal ajal).

5. Improteater ei ole ju ikka päris teater.

Aga mis on päris teater? Mina (ja ka Wikipeedia) defineeriks nö päris teatrit nii: "Teatrietendus sünnib näitekirjaniku, näitlejate, lavastaja ning kujundaja (teatrikunstniku) koostöös. Neil on rohkesti abilisi: valgustajad, helitehnikud, rätsepad, riieturid, jumestajad ehk grimeerijad ja lavatöölised."

Improteatri puhul on koostöös näitlejad, formaadijuht ja/või juhendaja ja tehnik(ud). Rekvisiite ja riietust tihtilugu ei kasutata (kuigi ma olen näinud ka improviseeritud nukuetendust näiteks). Asja võlu on selles, et iga etenduse lugu või sisu on ainulaadne ning sünnib kohapeal kõikide koostöös - näitekirjaniku roll on jaotatud võrdselt. Kas see, et etenduse sisu pole kuskil eelnevalt kirjas teeb sellest mitte päris teatri?
Pole päris kindel? Okei, aga kui nö päris teatris läheb etenduse alguses midagi valesti ning nad improviseerivad terve ülejäänud etenduse, kas siis see mida nad teevad on päris teater? Ah et nemad on ikkagi päris teatrimajas ja päris näitlejad? Oot aga mis just kirjutatud sisu reeglist sai?

Tõsi, improteatri ja nö tavalise teatri vahel on erinevusi. On ka riike kus improteater on pigem alternatiiv-teatri rollis. Aga erinevusi on ka teiste teatrite vahel. Võrdle kasvõi No99 ja Linnateatrit. Lähenemine on erinev aga teater just samamoodi.

6. Päris näitlejad näevad palju vaeva, teie aga mõtlete selle lihtsalt kohapeal välja.

Ja sa arvad, et ilma käsikirjata laval olemine teeb asja lihtsamaks? Võibolla tõesti, kui sa ei taha seal midagi sisukat teha. Mine ja proovi aga grupiga koos nii tervet lugu jutustada stseen stseeni haaval. Proovi proovi. Ah, et on hirmus? Ah, et sul on palju häid mõtteid aga kõik kogu aeg rikuvad need laval ära? Ah, et sul on ammu lugu juba peas valmis aga laval üldse ei lähe õiges suunas? Ah, et sa ei saa kontrollida kuidas lavapartner käitub? Oih, ja nüüd oled sa kogemata laval stseenis koos teise karakteriga, kellega pole sul tõesti midagi ühist. Mis kurat nüüd saab?

Kui sa oled osav, suudad sa ehk ennast välja rabeleda. Kas aga peale etendust saad sa veel kaasnäitlejate ja publikuga hästi läbi on omaette küsimus. Ma sinu asemel igaks juhuks piletiraha ei küsiks.

Mida proovis harjutatakse, on peamiselt koostöö ning seal on ka omad reeglid. Ilma reegliteta kipuvad sellised asjad läbuks kätte ära minema - nii lihtsalt on.

Samuti, kui on kindel formaat, harjutatakse seda.

Selleks, et etendus oleks hea, on seal taga palju tööd. Selleks ongi proovid!

Ma olen näinud halbu improetendusi ja ka halbu käsikirjaga etendusi. Mõlema juures on palju higi ja vaeva, et see oleks hea. Olles teinud mõlemat, ei ütleks ma küll, et üks moodus teisest lihtsam on.

7. Haa, aga te harjutate. Järelikult ei ole see improviseeritud!

Läheme pallimängu juurde tagasi. Selleks, et olla jalkas osav harjutatakse jalgade tööd, liikumist, koostööd ja mida kõike veel. Iga mäng on aga erinev.

Tõsi on see, et me harjutame erinevaid elemente etenduse jaoks, küll aga on iga etendus ainulaadne ja erinev ning selle sisuline pool on alati kohapeal loodud.

8. Kuulge, tulge improviseerige meile teemast X.

Tehtav aga vahel väga keeruline. Impro üks põhivõlusid on see, et etenduse sisu sünnib kohapeal. Kui sa aga saad miski teema enne ette, siis hakkab ju aju asju ette mõtlema. Kui teema X on näiteks Western, siis jah fine, me võime selles teemas formaadi teha ja hoida selle westerni loo siiski iga kord uue. Küll aga on väga raske teha formaati näiteks kamast või küüslaugust - see peaks siis ikkagi tulema soovitusena publikust etenduse ajal.

9. Ma käisin vaatamas. See tundus kuidagi toores, te peaks seal seda stseeni seal veel lihvima.

Sa mõtled seda stseeni, mida kunagi tulevikus enam ei juhtu?

Tõsi, tagasiside on alati hea, aga mingi toorus jääb alati. Seda seepärast, et see sünnib kohapeal. See ei saagi olla täiesti valmis pakendatud produkt. Nii oleks mõistlik seda ka vaadata - kui tööd mis sünnib kohapeal. Vahel juhtuvad olukorrad, milleks me pole valmis ja see ongi osa mängust. Nüüd on meie asi laval see ootamatu juhtum võimalikult ilusasti ära põhjendada.

Kui publikus on teisi improviseerijaid, on neid keerulisi kohti nende reaktsioonist hästi märgata. Me kõik tajume neid. Üldiselt on improteatris ka põhimõte "I love you but I will fuck with you!" ehk siis vahel lükatakse meelega keegi laval keerulisse olukorda. Kui ta jääb jänni, aidatakse muidugi välja - seljatagune on turvaline. See on osa selle võlust ja mängust.

10. Ma käisin vaatamas. See oli küll ette valmistatud etendus.

Aitäh! See on improtajale ülim kompliment, kui etendus oli nii sujuv, et tundus ettevalmistatud. See tähendab lihtsalt, et grupidünaamika, koostöö ja formaat on lihtsalt väga tugevaks harjutatud proovides. Ma kinnitan käsi südamel aga, et sisu on alati uus. Tule aga järgmine kord uuesti vaatama, kui ei usu.

Selleks korraks kõik. Pildid Google otsingust. Kui mõni suurem eksiarvamus jäi välja, võib kommentaarides häält teha.

Cheers!

The Unexplainable Truth of Improv

The more I do improv the more I understand how simple and at same time also how complex it is.

There is something that just cannot be explained in it. Oh, I have tried (even in this blog) and so many others have tried, but there is always something missing I feel.

It's like with so many things in life: you can take it into pieces and explain these, but the Gestalt - the connection of all the parts - is not the same as adding up individual parts. 

The problem I face is similar to the one many LARP'ers (Live Action Role Players) have when they try to explain why it is good and fun. You can talk about collaboration, learning history, developing your crafting skills etc, but this is just taking the whole picture into pieces.

It is not just the summary of all these parts. It is so much more.

You, as a human are not just collection of your parts, are you?

At the same time, improv at its core is stupid simple. 

It's just like a kids play.

But why do we not play anymore as grownups? Fine, some of us do have new games (mind games, computer games, dating, politics, etc) but it is not the same as we had as kids, is it? 

While growing up we turn protective. We don't want to do things we are unsure of anymore. We say, it's not practical or important. We can't stand to feel lost, unsure, emotional or stupid. We act tough, but we are scared shitless.

Why so? Because at some point in the way we got hurt badly.

Our trust, freedom, love and vulnerability get stabbed and we build walls to protect ourselves - this is just how it is. Everyone has some walls, but not all of them are actually healthy nor needed.

“Of all the things trauma takes away from us, the worst is our willingness, or even our ability, to be vulnerable. There's a reclaiming that has to happen.” says Brené Brown in her book Rising Strong. 

I feel that improv is one of the ways we can use to reclaim this lost part.

True, there are some techniques that work better for it than others but all and all already 'yes, and', 'listening' and 'supporting your partner' can be big and important steps.

Improv is not just having fun. It's not just an amazing art form. It is not just a way of living. It is a shortcut to the heart. It is reclaiming of your lost parts and using them to connect with people.

I don't know how to better explain it. The connection you have with an improviser - with whom you have only shared an workshop or a show together - can often be greater and more authentic than with a family member or a long-term friend. It just happens like this and as it does, it is true.

I will just leave you with this quote from the same book.

"I believe that vulnerability - the willingness to show up and be seen with no guarantee of outcome - is the only path to more love, belonging and joy."

Cheers!

Some moments from FiiF 2016

So, I was at FiiF this year as a solo artist. 

As I am really struggling with expressing all of my feelings about it, I decided to just write down some moments I had. True, even here I might not get everything down right - the human emotion is way more complex than the language we have for expressing it. Also these moments will be from random locations and random times.

It is not so much for sharing with others, but mostly for myself so I could later look back and remember... and have the warm feeling inside and smile.

If you were there, maybe you will find yourself in here, but maybe not. Maybe you can connect with it, maybe not.

These are just some of the moments I had in these few days that felt like years (in a good sense). A lot of love will and should stay unwritten.

***

The game was simple: make eye contact with someone in the room an hold it for two minutes.

That was the easy part. The hard part was to feel what was happening while you were doing it.

There is no such thing than innocent eye contact, the instructor had said and he was right.

Some emotions grew from the contact. Something happened. Always.

We had done it several times already, but this time the result was unexpected.

I felt ... bad... guilty... scary even. I felt like a monster. Don't know why or how it happened, but so it was. She was scared of me and I felt it.

It is just a role, I told myself, but the more I stared the less I believed in it.

I was a monster and I felt how something moved in me from 'I don't want to be like this' into 'You want to see this? You really want to see this? Fine. I can be this'.

I could feel it in the way I stood, the way I felt, the way I stared.

Just like under-dog creates the up-dog, this connection had turned me into a beast.

I felt the side of me that was angry, brutal and raw. That was dominating and empowered. It was the primal side of me that I did not want to accept or see - my personal blind spot as Jung would say - and now someone else had just looked into it. Just like that.

"I am a monster."

"Don't hurt me anymore."

We were on the same level. We both had experienced the same thing. 

We ended this connection with reassuring hug and moved on. It took me some time to get out of this feeling. 

Then I felt grateful. 

Grateful for being seen, even like this.

*

"So here is a task for you. Be my smile man. So when there is a lot of crowd in the pub and you see me, give me a smile and a thumbs up."

"Ok, will do"

This task seemed a bit strange at first, but it turned up to be really fun.

*

It was just me and the darkness. 

I could hear people moving. I sensed caring hands stopping and guiding me and other blind shadows passing me on my way.

I didn't know how long had I walked around with my eyes closed.

Not only had I lost my sense of time like this, but also my sense of direction.

I was in a different world in a different dimension.

All I knew was that I can move and people around me will make sure that nothing bad will happen to me.

I knew I was safe.

*

"Don't dance but just move to the music. Be ugly or silly, do whatever you want" the instructor said. 

I have never felt at home with dancing. 

It just does not come so naturally. I don't feel it. But move to the music and be ugly, that I can do. Sure, that I can do.

*

"Are you all right, my dear?"

"More less, have a bit of a headache"

"Sorry to hear that"

"No worries. Just give me a hug"

*

"Don't speak. Just be here," I said and we stared into each others eyes.

We had to go on the stage soon. These were the last minutes we had in backstage.

The plan was to do a mono scene, a realistic one.

Therefore, we as humans had to be real and connected.

He seemed to be a bit surprised and uncomfortable at first, but it seemed to work and get us on the more human level. We said thank you and soon the show started.

* 

I had done it with 2 people and the hugs just did not happen. All we got was hug fails.

"Initiate hug. One, Two, Three!"

It worked this time. So did the next one. And the next one.

We sent each-other off with jazz hands.

I was surprised. 

How was it that what did not work at all with some, worked so well with others. 

*

"I really liked your style on the stage."

Had we not been in a hurry, I would have stopped right there and then. 

You liked my style?
There are 60+ actors here and you noticed me? 

And not only noticed but also liked? 

"But... but ... but ...," my brain started. I have always had difficulties with accepting compliments or positive feedback - especially when I did something that I really enjoyed.

"You do mainly long-form, yes?" she continued, not aware of the inner struggle I had.

"eh ... yes ... thank you," I blushed inside, feeling grateful.

*

Silence. 

No-one had noticed it? Or did they notice, but just did not react? Whichever it was, it was strangely liberating, that no-one commented or laughed about the sentence I had just said. A sentence that would have sounded quite wrong if used out of the context.

I used to make jokes like that. Now I did not even try, but it still sometimes happened. My brain always noticed it.

It was strange to see that my improv colleagues were not as dirty minded as I was.
(As it later turned out - they were dirty minded, but they also were polite :P )

*

"And if you don't want to be touched from some places just say it out to your partner. Otherwise they will not know. You have to communicate it. Take care of your well being yourself," I reminded to myself as I skipped half of the workshop and walked back to the hostel. 

I just could not do it, I was emotionally naked and tired. I could not concentrate. I needed some time off for myself.

The workshop I had had in the morning had changed me so much that I just could not deal with the next one. I was broken. Broken in a positive way and needed some time to put the pieces together again.

*

When I was here the last time, I had just started improvising. I was new at it and mainly did side-support. Then on a mixer show I suddenly played the main character of the story. I still remembered how scared but also supported I felt. It really was a big thing.

Now, four years later I was on FiiF stage again with the mixer and fulfilled my part as side support. 

Was this a full circle? 

I did not mind it. It was in a way even liberating just to be there without too many words or too much attention.

*

"No no no. This is the process speaking" he tapped on his head. "Now do it again and tell what you really feel. What the body is telling you. Take your time. There is no hurry"

I saw how different the outcome was. 

I saw how more real and believable it was. 

The mind can lie, but the body can not, and when the mind lies there is a conflict. 

I have seen too many situations in my life where the words that come out are not in sync with the body. How people say "I am good!" or "I love it!" in a least convincing way. 

Now I learned how to really be there and notice when something is untold. It was liberating.

*

I thought how silly or strange it might have looked like to other people.

Just a group of people standing in front of a pub, making fun at each other and then digging with imaginary shovels.

We did it whenever we went too far with the jokes. You know, digging yourself deeper when you are already in a hole. 

It was fun, but I am sure that it also must have looked a bit strange.

***

It was my first workday after the festival. 

A client joined the chat and I noticed that he had the name and location of one of the improvisers who was in FiiF. 

Sure, it was not the same person, but my heart still started to rally with joy.

4 Life lessons from longform improv

I have written many times how doing improv theater can improve the quality of your life. It can give you group support, connection, place to be silly and spontaneous. There is also a psychological benefit to it all and I am not only talking about using improv as therapy for people with social anxiety. I feel that implementing what you do on stage in your everyday life can often have a positive influence your mental well-being. 

Decrease the suffering

One of the main ideas of improv is supporting your partner. The easiest way to do it, is with "yes, and" - accept your partners idea and add something of your own. Your ideas might be good, but the same can be true about your partner. The aim is to let go of your expectations and ideas to create something together and hope for the best. You have to be flexible and ready to let go.

I have seen many scenes that start with an actor miming something on stage and the next person coming up and defining what he/she is miming. I have been on both sides. The thing is that the definition given to the mime work is not always the same that the person doing it had in mind and then the magic happens - you have to let go of your own ideas and collaborate to find the best reality for the scene.

I think that using this attitude in your daily life can have a big difference.

All of Buddhism starts with the observation that life is suffering. The meaning of this is that we increase suffering when we expect things to go a certain way and hold on too tightly to our plans. We are often holding onto our plans for a perfect life or perfect outcome. When we accept that our path is unique and that many things on our path will be unplanned, we reduce our suffering and increase our happiness.

Focus on what is important

I find Kurt Vonnegut's 8 Basics of Creative Writing really useful, both while writing and while on stage. One of them states: "Every character should want something, even if it is only a glass of water." That is a good tip to keep in mind while playing a character.
 

When you see a longform improv show, it might seem too real to be created on the spot. A friend of mine, who has seen several of our shows did not believe that it was all made up on the spot, until he attended a few improv workshops and understood some of the techniques we used.

The thing is that as an actor you cannot notice or remember everything that happens on the stage - it is just impossible. However when you are doing a longform play that has one main narrative, it is good if you can at least act as if you do know what is going on. How can you do it? The best way, in my opinion, is to focus on the character. When a scene, that your character is not part of, is taking place, look at it from your characters point of view - what is important for your character, what details can you use, how would he react to this information, etc. Do not try to remember everything, only the information relevant to your character and his needs.
 

The same attitude can and should be used in  real life. You do not have to do everything - focus on what is really important to you. What do you want out of life? What is most important to you? (If you are not sure on how to answer these questions, chapter 12 of the free book 7 Cups for the Searching Soul might be helpful.)


Growth comes with hard times

Another good advice from Vonnegut's creative writing tips is "Be a sadist. No matter how sweet and innocent your leading characters, make awful things happen to them—in order that the reader may see what they are made of." What I would like to add, is that audience loves seeing this development on stage.

The easiest way to do it on stage, is with side support. Is there something that is not properly defined, that might add a lot more reality to it? Go on and define it. What about the characters on stage, how could you support them? If there is a character who is really irritated when he is interrupted, maybe give him interruptions, so he could play it out. If a character is uncomfortable around statues, then why not make sure that there are a lot of statues around him.

Sometimes adding only one small detail can have a major effect. I recently saw a scene where a boy who was scared of sexy, strong and intimidating women was on a date with a girl. The actor playing the girl knew it and used really strong and powerful body language (sitting like a man etc). This however was not enough and the real twist came when side-support defined that the girl was also wearing a miniskirt. One small detail made all the difference.

So, if the character is scared of something - make sure it happens to him, so he could deal with it and grow while doing it. 

Problems have disguised value. They are actually very helpful and should be treasured. We struggle to see problems as valuable because we are too busy trying to avoid or ignore them. However you cannot ignore them forever - they will re-appear again and again until you resolve them. Hard times are good, because they force us to grow, change and turn into better people.


Appreciate the journey

It is true both in life and on stage: at some point the lights will go off and the show is over. We all know it. There is a beginning and there is an end. All we can really do is try to give our best. There will be ups and downs. Beautiful moments that fill your heart with joy and warmth and difficult times that bring you down. We are not perfect. We are not rational. We are not robots. We are human and we do all the silly things that humans do, but that is enough. It must be enough.

You cannot win in life or in improv, but you can always appreciate the journey with all that it brings.

Ole improtaja

Ole improtaja 

mine elu lavale teadmata, mis juhtub. 
Sul on oma mõtted, teistel on enda omad. Sa ei tea ega saagi täpselt teada mis on nendel plaanis või mida nad teevad. Nad võivad aga ei pruugi vastata sinu ootustele.

Muuta saad sa vaid enda reageeringut. Kas sa jooksed laval kokku (solvumine, jonnimine, kibestumine, masendus jne on tihtilugu põhjustatud sellest, et oo õel maailm ja oo õelad inimesed ei ole üldse nii nagu mina tahan) või sa võtad partneri pakkumise omaks ja te loote koos midagi - sul on alati valik.

Tähtis ei ole mitte perfektne lõpptulemus vaid protsess. Seda kuhu elulugu jõuab me ju teame. Algus ja lõpp on paigas. Sul on võimalus ise suunata ja muuta oma narratiivi, hoolimata kõigest, mis teiste poolt sellele lisatakse.

Ilus narratiiv ise on auhind ning ilmselgelt tahad sa luua seda koos inimestega, kes aitavad sul seda luua, mitte ei mängi soolorolli ja ei pressi sulle peale oma lugu.
Usaldus lavapartnerite vahel on esmatähtis- teadmine, et kui sa kukud, aitavad nad sind ning kui nemad kukuvad, oled sina toeks. 

Kui hoolitsed laval enda eest (defineerid, oled selge jne), hoolitsed ka partneri(te) eest.

---

Tuli siis selline mõttelend.
Pole paha. Natuke isegi meenutab Gestalt Prayer'it, mis mul kunagi ka väljaprindituna seina peal oli.

Proovi ja lihtsalt anna endast parim

Ma olen varemgi rääkinud improteatri ja igapäevaelu sarnasustest ja vastastikmõjust, sest eks ka elu on ju paras impro. Me ei tea, mis juhtuma hakkab ja see ehk ongi hea. Muidu oleks ju paganama igav. Elus mustandit teha ei saa, me paneme kogu aeg puhtalt, nagu ütles Andrus Vaarik.

Seekordse kirjutise inspireeris meie tänaõhtune etendus Philly Joe's. Juba lavale minnes tuikas mu pea kahtlaselt ning teise poole keskel oli olukord juba päris vastik. Samas ma olen tähele pannud, et kerge füüsiline probleem (kõhuvalu, peavalu jne) kas võtab mu täiesti jalust maha või aitab mul paremini fookuses olla ja keskenduda. Su ressursid ja energia on piiratud, ülemõtlemist ja analüüsi ei ole liiga palju. Igati sobilik impro jaoks. 

Seekord oli siis versioon kaks ning pärastise tableti toel olen ma praegu juba päris inimene. Küll aga ma märkasin midagi eriskummalist. Me oleme oma trupiga viimasel ajal läinud väga tehniliseks. Me oleme lihvinud mänge nii, et laastud lendavad. Loonud lisa taustareegleid, et meil mingeid mänge lihtsam teha oleks. Iga etenduse järel on meil jagamine kus me üksipulgi analüüsime läbi, mis oleks võinud laval paremini minna (Jah, me ise oleme enda kõige kurjemad kriitikud). jne See on hea, aga on midagi, mis on minu arust sellega ka justkui kaduma läinud.

Mitmed trupi liikmed tõid lõpuringis välja, et üks arvamismäng läks pekki. Mina aga nii ei arva. Tõsi, mina ja mu kaks lavapartnerit selles mängus jooksime laval kokku. Me olime täiega plindris. See muutus mingi hetk ehk publiku jaoks ka igavaks - kaua sa ikka vaatad kuidas keegi plindris on? Ja uskuge mind, seda pinget oli laval küll ja veel. Me ei mänginud seda turvaliselt, teades et me kindla peale hakkama saame ja ka publik sai sellel hetkel sellest väga hästi aru, ning see tekitas neil lisa uudishimu - kas ja kuidas nad nüüd sellega hakkama saavad? Jah, nad on plindris, seda on ju näha, aga kas ja kuidas nad nüüd välja tulevad?

Publikule meeldib tegelikult see, mis läheb valesti. See annab asjale võlu. Doseerima peab muidugi väga täpselt, aga me märkame seda publikus olles kiiresti. (vt näiteks neid baleriine)

See oligi mängu ilu, valu ja võlu. See, et ei tulnud kohe puusalt vaid, et me pidime ikka omajagu vingerdama. Ma ei usu, et see mäng oleks minu jaoks nii intensiivne ja nautitav olnud, kui see oleks kohe laksti välja tulnud. Või kui keegi oleks selle poolitanud, sest "Ei tööta ju!" Võlu oligi ebaõnnestumises ja sellest edukalt välja tulemises. Kusjuures ka ühes teises arvamismängus oli sarnast kokkujooksmist, ning samamoodi sellest kokkujooksmisest sai omamoodi mäng. Mäng mis võinuks ka pekki minna, aga vedas ennast väga ilusasti välja. Mitte ainult polnud seda publikul lõbus vaadata, vaid ka huvitav. Huvitav, et mis küll nüüd edasi saab.

Ma ei ütle muidugi, et igas mängus peaks kokku jooksma. Küll aga ma julgustan eksima. Julgustan olema see tola, kes võibolla saab hakkama ja võibolla mitte, aga ta proovib ja annab endast parima. Mitte ei ole turvaliste reeglite turvalises maailmas. Mida rohkem on reegleid, seda rohkem on turvalisust ning seda vähem on ruumi spontaanseteks hetkedeks, mis ongi paljuski ju asja võlu.

Kui ma õpetaks kedagi laval loengut pidama või näitlema, ei õpetaks ma talle kuidas oma keha hoida või kuidas täpselt sõnu hääldada. Läbiv ja kõige tähtsam õpetus oleks see, kuidas saada hakkama olukordadega, mis lähevad pekki. Sest pekki asjad lähevad ning rohkem kui arvata võiks. Tähtis pole mitte lihtsalt pekist üle minna vaid see ka omaks võtta ja ära kasutada (kontekstist väljas oleks see lause väga ... mmm ... kummaline). Mitte lihtsalt muuta komistus osaks tantsuks vaid sealt edasi teha komistustantsu.

Mida rohkem on reegleid, seda rohkem saab nende vastu ka eksida. Nii on ka elus. Vahel läheb teistmoodi kui tahtsime või plaanisime. Tihti ei ole meie halva tuju põhjuseks aga mitte reaalsus ise vaid meie murtud sisemised reeglid/soovid/plaanid. See murtus ei lase meil näha aga ilu ja võimalusi, mis on endiselt maailmas alles, sest meie enam ei ole. Meie oleme enda peas ja mõtleme kuidas asjad halvasti läksid. Kuidas plaan ei töötand. Praktiline tõsine inimene ütleb, et nii peabki. Ma leian, et ega ikka ei pea. Praktiliselt võttes:meie aeg on limiteeritud. Me sureme üks hetk ära. Fakt. Miks täita seda aega mis meil on mõeldes asjadele, mis teevad meie elu ebameeldivaks ja ei luba meil märgata ilu ja uusi võimalusi meie ümber. Juhtus, mis juhtus, elu läheb edasi.

Ma tegin seekord laval võibolla rohkem ootamatut mörti (sidesupport, elik kõrvalt toetus), ootamatut isegi enda jaoks. Seda puhtalt selle pärast, et tundus, et oli vaja. Kõik. Mõned korrad läks natuke pekki ehk kah, aga vähemalt proovisin. Mida mul on kaotada? Kardan, et teen ennast tolaks? No ja siis? Teen midagi valesti? Laval ei ole õiget ega valet. Niikaua kuni sa oma partnerit toetad on kõik okei. Üks reegel (fine, selle alla kuulub päris palju asju) ja mulle tundub, et rohkem ei olegi vaja. Sellest piisab. Kõik muu on võimalused.

Ja nii on ka elus. Sul on võimalus millegi peale pahandada või nähvata. Sul on võimalus olla täiesti väljakannatamatu fallos (pardon my french). Sul on samamoodi võimalus ka mitte pahandada. Mitte suruda oma tundeid alla vaid muuta nende lähtekohta. Iga nähv, jonn, solvumine, pahameel jne mis meil kellegi suunas on, on sellepärast, et see keegi ei austanud meie sisemisi reegleid - ei teinud nii nagu meie oleks tahtnud (ja võibolla oleme me talle sellest juba korduvalt ja korduvalt rääkinud aga näe ikka tegi nii. On ikka sitapea, miks ta ei tee nii nagu meie tahame?). Meil on võimalik ka öelda oma peas endale "Uus valik" ning valida miskit helgemat. Fine, võibolla ta tõesti ei olnud minuga kõige toetavam praegu, aga äkki ma ka alati ei ole. See ei tähenda, et ma peaks samaga vastama. Samaga vastamine on minu arust lihtne tee. Samas kui sul on nii lihtne kaasa minna kellegi nähvamise või virisemisega, äkki tal on sama lihtne kaasa minna ka sinu toetava sõbraliku suhtumisega? Ma ei ütle, et seda alati mugav teha on. See on valik. Mugavustsoonist väljaminek. Ning see on see koht, kus me inimestena kasvame. 

No ja äkki tõesti ei kliki. Äkki pikemas plaanis asjad ei tööta. Mingilt maalt saab pang täis. Äkki ta tõesti on üks paras fallos ja lihtsalt ühest hetkest alates ei ole enam jaksu sellega tegeleda. 

Ega ei pea.

Ka see on valik ja ka alati mitte mugav.

Tähtis on aga valikuid ja võimalusi näha ning olla nende tegemises julge.

Lõpetamata lood

Irooniliselt on see postitus kirjutamist juba mõned päevad oodanud. Valmis oli vaid pealkiri ja ideid täis pea. Peab tõdema, et tekkis ka soov lihtsalt pealkiri avaldada ilma sisuta. Noh, nagu on legend ühest iidsest lõpukirjandist pealkirjaga Risk: õpilane kirjutas pealkirja lehele ning andis töö ära, sai maksimum punktid. Aga see selleks.

Tagasi teema juurde, mis kasvas mu peas eelmise nädala lõpus: Lõpetamata lood ehk mõtisklusi improst, sarjadest, mõtlemisest ja lõppu jõudmisest.

Improst ja teleseriaalidest

Meie reedene Seistes Püsti etendus oli lihtsalt suurepärane - seda võivad rääkida nii publik kui ka näitlejad. Kõik, kes olid laval, jäid sellega rahule, mida ei juhtu just tihti (enesekriitika ja analüüs on tegelikult väga suur). Tõsi, oli asju mida oleks kindlasti saanud veel paremini teha, aga üldine tunne oli kõrvust tõstev. 

Mis aga eristas seda etendust eelmisest etendusest? 

 Mis tegi selle nii heaks? 

Tõsi, me olime teinud tööd tehnikate ja sihitud soojendusega, mis kindlasti laval kaasa aitasid. Mis tundus minu jaoks aga eriline, oli see, et juba esimesest stseenist alates oli meil laval narratiiv, lugu. 

Seistes Püsti formaadi teebki paljuski keeruliseks see, et kõik on lubatud, niikaua kuni sa suudad luua ja lavale tuua päris inimesi ja päris suhteid. Selle raami sees võiks vabalt kütta ka tund aega järjest sidumata stseene vabavormi improt (ing. freeform) ja see oleks täiesti pädev. Muidugi ei leidu palju inimesi, kes vabavormi suudaksid pikalt vaadata (olen ise üks nendest) ning ka seda pikalt teha on kuidagi väsitav. Ma olen korduvalt pikka vabavormi näinud ning olgugi, et ma hindan kõrgelt lavaosavust sellise vormi juures, väsin ma seda vaadates ära. See ei anna mulle energiat, pigem võtab seda.

Ma arvan, et põhjus on emotsionaalses pühendumises. Isegi kui laval on tegelasi kellele kaasa elada, on seda raske teha - see on justkui tunnete raiskamine, sest sa ei pruugi seda tegelast ja suhet enam kunagi rohkem näha. 

Selle kõige kaduvus, mis on selle vormi võlu, on samas ka selle needus.Mul on tunne, et me kõik - laval, publikus, elus - otsime tervikut, me otsime justkui miskit lugu. Seepärast on päris vabavorm ka nii raske - sul on palju sissejuhatusi, aga lood ei lähe edasi. 

Selle sügise esimesel Seistes Püsti etendusel oli nii vabavormi kui ka narratiivi ning mitmed publiku liikmed olid hiljem segaduses - ei tekkinud ühist tervikpilti. Mitmed lood jäid lõpetamata ja õhku rippuma, mis oli küll ka taotluslik aga tundus, et ei pakkunud nii palju naudingut ei näitlejatele ega ka publikule. Seekord oli narratiivi ja sidusust oluliselt rohkem ning see lubas nii näitlejatel kui ka publikul tegelastele rohkem kaasa elada ja lõppu jõuda.

Mulle tundub, et me otsime lõpetatust ja seda mitte ainult teatrilaval.

Meid kammitsevad teleseriaalide viimased minutid, milles meelega jäetakse midagi õhku rippuma, et uus osa kindlasti huvi pakuks. Me ootame pinevusega järjefilme, mille eelmistes osades anti kergeid vihjeid ja viiteid uuele filmile. Me tahame teada, mis edasi saab. Lugu on lõpetamata.

Mõtlemisest

Nädalavahetusel olid mul vanemad külas ning ma avastasin veel ühe teema, kus me tihti proovime lõppu jõuda: mõtlemine. 

Mõte on nagu loo alge, mida me tahaks edasi ja edasi uurida. Sel ajal kui me seda aga uurime, liigub maailm omasoodu edasi ning ei pruugi meie mõtteprotsessiga enam üldse seotud olla. Nii juhtuski korduvalt, et ma pidin oma isale ühte ja sama asja mitu korda seletama. Ei ole dementsus, mõtlemine hoopis - inimene ei suuda samal ajal mitut asja korralikult teha ja on loomulik, et kui mõtted on keskpunktis kaob kontakt hetke kontekstiga. Nii pole ka imestada, et mõningad jutuajamised tundusid kohati päris kummalised. Näiteks rääkisime isaga ühest teemast pikalt ja laialt, siis tuias ta teises toas, samas kui me vennanaisega arutasime juba täiesti midagi uut. Mõne minuti pärast tuli isa tagasi ja jätkas enda teemaga, justkui me oleks me temaga kogu see aeg kaasa mõelnud. Olukord oli aga juba muutunud - meie jaoks ei olnud see enam ammu õhus. Rääkis oma mõtted ära, kadus taaskord ning jätkas jälle paari minuti pärast samamoodi. Tundub ju päris kummaline kui aus olla, samas ei saa seda ka kuidagi pahaks panna. See oli väga heatahtlik, asjalik ja põhjalikult läbi mõeldud jutt, ainult et maailm ei olnud selle jaoks enam valmis - olukord ja kontekst oli muutunud ning seda mitu korda.

Tõsi, selle konteksti sobitamiseks aitavad sissejuhatavad laused nagu "See tuletas mulle meelde, et..." või "Ma siin mõtlesin natuke selle teema üle ...". Ma tean, väga raske on vahel austada muutuvat maailma, kui su mõtted vuhavad täiskiirusel.

Olen isegi tähele pannud kui keeruline on vahel mõnest mõttest loobuda, samas ka kui vajalik see kohati on. Tead küll, kuulad oma head sõpra, oled temaga emotsionaalselt kaasas ja kohal ning sul tekib teda kuulates miski oma mõte mida jagada, vahele segada aga ei taha ning ei paista, et jutt jõuaks kohe miski lõpuni. Kui sa sellel hetkel oma mõttest lahti ei ütle, on asi pekkis - sa ei suuda samal ajal olla päriselt kohal, kuulav, toetav ja kaasas, kui su mõtted arutavad peas oma teemat (mul hakkab teema kiirelt ise ennast arendama, kui ta liiga palju tähelepanu saab. Nagu hulkuv kass kes tuleb tänaval järgi kui sa oled talle pai teinud). Või vähemalt mina ei suuda. (Oleneb jagatavate emotsioonide tugevusest samas). Jah, me kõik oskame teha nägu, et me oleme olemas ja kuulame, aga see ei ole ju päris see. Kas me ka päriselt kuulame?

On inimesi kelle jaoks kuulamine ongi see, et sa võtad, analüüsid oma peas läbi ja jagad tagasisidet. Professionaalses keskkonnas on see suurepärane lähenemine, lähisuhetes aga mitte. Tihti tahavad inimesed, et keegi neid lihtsalt kuulaks, mitte ei annaks nõu või probleemilahendust, vaid oleks lihtsalt emotsionaalselt kohal.

Ma arvan, et gestalt teraapia ja impro on aidanud mul oma mõtteid rohkem analüüsida, jälgida, usaldada ning vajadusel ka nendest lahti öelda. Minnes improlavale oma kindla mõttega ning ilma paindumisvõimaluseta oled sa seal suhteliselt hukule mõeldud.

Lõppu jõudmisest

Kui rääkida aga elulisematest asjadest, millega ehk mitte-impro inimesed ka samastuda suudaksid, siis märkasin eelmine nädal kuidas ma kaitsesin ise-ennast oma peas. Sisemonoloog oli justkui sisedialoog "vaenlasega" keda polnud kohal ning kelle ees ma oma tegevusi, mõtteid ja seisukohti püsivalt kaitsesin. Seda oli päris raske tunnistada, raske omaks võtta ning ma sain ka aru kui palju energiat mul selle peale kadus (muidugi oli see sisedialoog ju emotsionaalselt laetud ja ängistav). Saades aru, et see sisekonflikt ei vii kuhugi, kirjutasin ma need teemad üles ja jagasin inimesega, kellega ma oma peas konfliktis ja kaitsepositsioonis olin. Meie omavaheline suhe paranes oluliselt ja ükski nendest mõtetest pole mu pähe tagasi tulnud.

Mõtlemine pole tegemine nagu mu esimene terapeut (kognitiiv-käitumuslik) kunagi rõhutas. Sa võidki jääda asjade üle mõtlema, neid oma peas juurutama ühte ja teistpidi, kuid kui sa nendega midagi reaalset ei tee (kasvõi üles kirjutamine ja jagamine) ei jõua sa lõpetatuseni. Mõtted ei suuda ise lõppu jõuda, selleks on vaja tegevust. Sa võid mõelda öö läbi hommiku peale, aga sellest pole enamasti miskit kasu. Tegevus on see, mis määrab.

Gestalt teraapia järgi on palju meie tegevusest mõjutatud kunagistest lõpetamata teemadest. See, et me ei ole jõudnud mõne teemaga enda jaoks rahuldavasse lõppu on jätnud oma negatiivse jälje (siin oleks nii lihtne teha halba nalja, aga ma ei tee) ning me otsime alateadlikult meetodeid kuidas kas jõuda lõppu või leevendada antud jälge. Lõppu jõudmine on tähtis (sisesta halb nali siia). Kujuta ette anekdooti mille viimane rida ehk kogu asja iva ära ununeb. Kujuta ette, et sa loed kriminulli ning keegi õel inimene on selle viimased kümme lehekülge välja rebinud nii et sa ei saagi teada, kes mõrvar oli. Kujuta ette, et eelmäng oli tore ja tegevus oli tore aga napilt napilt lõppu ei jõudnud. Päris kole, eksole. 

Nüüd aga kujuta ette, et sa jõudsid just pika ja segasevõitu blogipostituse lõppu, mille lõpus autor kiidab su vastupidavust ja tänab lugemise eest. Päris äge, eksole.

The Silence

The last show on Tilt started with a lecture that was held by a professor of the University of Tallinn. After the lecture, the actors started with the play - taking inspiration from it (format The Wunderkammer by Do Not Adjust Your Stage).

During the lecture however I noticed how different the attitude on the stage was. I am not saying that the lecture was bad. Not at all. What I am saying is that there were nuances there that I do not see with the improvisers.

I have provided lectures myself at work and at school, years ago. I remember how scary it was to stand on the stage alone. Hell with it, I have even tried stand-up and it was even scarier.

The silence of people staring at you and waiting you to mess up (at least that was how I felt it) making you tremble on the spot and killing your nerves.

I am not sure if I can really do it alone on stage at the moment (should practice that), but when I am there with a group, I enjoy the silence. The silence means that the audience is listening. It means the audience is waiting. It means that they are engaged. The longer the silence the better the  release of the waiting tension. All you have to do is accept and own the silence.

True, there are also improvisers who do not like the silence and who do not use it on stage - filling in every empty spot they could find with a joke or pun. It is fun, true that, but it will never ever engage audience in the story. They will laugh but they will not care about the characters. It is just fun.

Only with silence and being in the present can you create a tension needed for human connection. Silence and slow pace gives us time to feel (well maybe some people have faster feelings, but I need time for them), it gives us time to connect and reflect.



As we sometimes fill in the stage to prevent the uncomfortable feeling of tension raising, we do the same in our lives. It is easier to check your mobile phone or listen to music than to really fully be in a situation that is not too interesting or pleasant. I used to have a wrist watch that I always checked when I was feeling uncomfortable as if knowing the time gave me more power over the situation.
However there is no growth like that, all you do is to avoid the reality.

I sometimes also feel that people talk too much.

We have small talk, big talk and ... well ... medium talk I guess. We fill our lives with never ending flow of words. The irony is that while we talk a lot, we still do not say out the things that we really want to say out - we still do not say the things we feel, the things that really matter.

I remember that Pratchett once talked about how he was most connected with his father when his father got a diagnose and had up to a year to live. If the time is sacred you will use it wisely. However not all of us get advance notice of death.
The understanding that people will perish at some moment and so will we should make us more connected. However, it is a heavy burden to bare. It makes life so much more painful but also more connected, more human.

These things are uncomfortable, just as the silence, but without them, there would be no meaning for anything else.

Light needs darkness, flow of words needs silence, activity needs boredom.

Tribute to Tilt Three

It is difficult, almost impossible, to describe all the feelings you have after an improv festival.
I have participated in a few - FiiF and Slapdash - and they were just ...

Well it is so hard to describe it that it is just better to say that after this specific FiiF (that I participated in 3 years ago) we came back home and created the first Tilt festival here to share this feeling.

This weekend we had the third Tilt and while I did not help out so much with the organizing this time, I was still helping out as much as I could.

The workshops, the performances, the people ... it all was just amazing.

Yesterday we had late breakfast with some of the performers (read: my extended family) who were still in Tallinn and for several times I noticed that I was not talking but just looking at this experience. Looking how people from different countries shared the laughs, experiences and hugs. How they had just done something together and while it was all coming to an end, they took all they could from it. And I found myself thinking that this was worth it. Sure there was pain included as well. The pain of saying goodbye for example. But there was also the gratitude for the shared experience.

Several performers looked as if they had just had sex: tired, happy, connected and grateful. This is what several days of improv does to you. It was something we all shared together.

It will take some time to get used to the normal life again (Estonian with emotions ... what is this creature?).

Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
Mulţumesc!
Kiitoksia oikein paljon!
Спасибо!
Liels paldies!
Mille fois merci! 
Aitäh!


I love you and I will miss you.



[This song somehow explains the feeling of fun and sadness I have at the moment]

D&D stiilis impro formaat

Londonis festivalil käies avanes mu mõttemaailm ehk natukene rohkem impro erinevate võimaluste koha pealt. Seega olen paar päeva mõelnud, et ehk oleks võimalik kuidagi siduda D&D ja impro.

Sissejuhatus

D&D ise toimib umbes nii: Igal mängijal on oma roll. Mängujuht kirjeldab maailma ja mängib kõrvaltegelasi. Mängijad otsustavad oma tegevusi ise vastavalt rollile ja olukorrale. Kui on vaja arusaama, kas midagi õnnestus või ei õnnestunud, visatakse täringut. (see on mõnesmõttes üllatavalt hea kokkuvõte)

Impro toimib enamasti ühisloominguna ja nii maailm, tegelased, suhted, kui ka narratiiv luuakse ühiselt laval. Improt annab teha ka väga kindlas formaadis (007 teemaline, Venezueela seebiooperi teemaline jne)

Formaat

Paljuski oleks see formaat ehk Kirjaniku impromängu taoline. On üks narratiivi jälgija, looja ja suunaja ning on selle läbimängijad. Kooseis laval:

2-3 näitlejat. PC'd ehk püsikarakterid - kindlad seiklejad, elik püsitegelased, kellega kõik asjad juhtuvad. (Kui teha seda etendust mitu korda järjest, siis võiks olla miks mitte ka jätkulugu.)

Roll võiks siiski olla mitte eeldeklareeritud. Näiteks võiks laval olla posu nodi (raamat, suur haamer, miskid kindad, rapiir jne) millest publiku valikul üks PC'le satub ja sellest saab tema rollitähis. Kui sa saad suure karvase haamri, siis sa oled näiteks barbar ja saad sellest olenevalt oma suhtumist, füüsilist poolt muuta jooksutades peas lauset "Kui see on rolli suhtes tõene, siis mis võiks veel olla"

1-3 näitlejat. NPC'd ehk nende teha on kõik taustategelased. Kas varustust või nodi ka neil on, ma ei teagi.

1 DM ehk mängujuht. DM saab luua narratiive, ootamatuid pöördeid, lisada kõrvaltegelasi. Tema sekkumine vajab täpsustust ja proovimist (potensiaalselt võib ta ka täringut visata).

Samuti saab ta öelda kui hästi kellegil, miski tegevus välja tuleb ja sellega infot lisada. (D&D's on näiteks nii Mängija "Ma uurin seda kirvest lähemalt, kas sellel on midagi erilist." Viskab täringut toimingu peale. DM (kui täringuvise oli piisavalt suur) "Sa avastad, et selle peal on huvitavad süvendid, mis päikesevalguse käes justkui ära kaoks, kuid varjus selged on"....)

Ja sünnib lugu

Algus:
PC'd defineerivad laval ära oma rollid ja igapäevaelu, suhtumise üksteisse jne. Suure tõenäosusega on see stseen kõrtsus :D Kõik NPC'd saavad noh mängida ettekandjaid jne.


Keskpaik:
Kas võiks äkki siis küsida publikult tegelastele, miski ülesande/missiooni (päästa printsess, tuua kalliskivid, teha goblinitega läbirääkimisi vms) Või et kas juhtub midagi ootamatut (väljas hakkab konni sadama, siseneb npc kellel on miskit tähtsat infot vms).

Seltskond läheb teele. Pakkumised mängujuhi, NPC'de ja mängijate poolt.
Läbikukkumised ja õnnestumised. Mängujuht saab teha ka näiteks kiireid edasihüppeid (kui keegi defineeris et linn kuhu vaja minna ja seal midagi teha, on kolme nädala kaugusel, siis mängujuht saab teha fastforward sinna liikumise)  või lisada komplikatsioone ("linnatänaval möödub teist tormakas poistekari ning peale seda märkate äkitselt et vöölt on kadunud nii misioonikaart kui ka rahakukrud")

Lõpp:
Kas antud ülesanne/missioon/eesmärk saab täidetud või siis nad ebaõnnestuvad sellega. Igal juhul arusaam, et see lugu jõudis lõpuni.



Kuidas tundub? Praegu veel suht brutaalne idee aga jumet ju nagu oleks. Aga leida neid inimesi kes käpad nii impros kui D&D maailmas on vast suht raske ja ega ma pole kindel ka, et sellel asjal just palju publikut oleks. Oleneb kuidas seda täpselt defineerida ja esitleda.

Cheers!

--------------------
EDIT 18.06.

Äkki võiks DM'il olla kaks mütsi/kaussi, kuhu on publikult küsitud tegelasi (üks kauss) ja objekte (teine) ning nende abil saab ta (kasutades nii ju publiku materjali) lugu jutustada. Näiteks:
"Te istute kõrtsus. Ühel hetkel ilmub teie juurde (võtab tegelase ja loeb) Punamütsike/võlur/mäekoll, kellel paistab olevat mure" Lavale NPC kes noh mängib seda tegelast ja natukene seletab, kui õige hetk/paras paus, jätkab mängujuht "Nimelt on tal vaja et te leiaksite üles tema (võtab objekti) lutipudeli/võlumõõga/kukli .... (optional: mille varastasid ... tegelane)" Elik juba quest luuakse publikupakkumistest. Jah see võib minna väga jaburaks, aga PC'd vähemalt peavad olema väga rollitruud ja grounded. See maailm laval on tõene!
Samuti saab objekti/tegelase kausse kasutada nö seiklusel olles. Luues ise midagi, aga lisades sinna mingi tegelase/objekti.

Formaadi enda nimi võiks sel juhul olla Random Encounter (DM'id muigavad)

Asi pole tegelikult koogis

Meil on improlaval kasutusel selline väljend nagu "It's not about the cake" ehk siis eesti keeli "Asi pole koogis." Pärineb see ühest töötoast ning lühidalt võib selle idee kokku võtta ehk nii: Laval pole kõige tähtsam mitte tegevus, mitte see millest räägitakse, mitte lugu, vaid suhe kahe inimese vahel. Tegelikult on asi alati suhtes - emotsioonid kahe inimese vahel on see, mis on tähtis.

Töötoas, kus antud väljend meile külge jäi, tuli teha stseeni, milles mees tuli öösel koju ja sõi külmkapist ära oma lemmikkoogi, mis seal oli, arvates et selle toonud tema ema. Tegelikult oli selle teinud aga tema kallim, kes kogu oma armastuse ja helluse oli koogi sisse valanud. Ja nüüd oli see kook lihtsalt muuseas ära söödud. No on ikka tõbras. Asi pole mitte koogis, vaid sellest mida see tähendab.

Pean siikohas tõdema, et seda kirjeldada ja läbi teha on ikka kaks täiesti erinevat asja. Igal juhul täheldasin hiljuti, et ka tavaelus meeldib meile nö koogist rääkida. Me tülitseme pisiasjade pärast, aga ei ütle välja, mis on tegelikud tunded ja vajadused. Me küsime lastelt, et kuidas neil koolis läheb, kuigi tegelikult tahame teada kuidas neil lihtsalt läheb (need on kaks väga erinevat küsimust tegelikult).

Me tantsime ümber koogi, aga ei ütle asju otse. Ma muidugi ei ütle, et asju otse alati lihtne öelda on, aga ükshetk tuleb nende asjadega tegeleda niikuinii ja ega need ära ei kao niisama. Mis sest koogist ikka liialt kottida.

Jämmimisest

Käisin eile T.O.Mi kaemas ning märkasin ükshetk, kui süstemaatiliselt ma improsse suhtun. See on muidugi loogiline - meil on posu asju püsivalt käimas oma trupis ja kui tehniline raam on tugev, siis selle sees on mõnusam ja turvalisem mängida. Samas oli eile mitu gruppi laval esimest, teist või kolmandat korda ning kui minult küsiti, et kuidas oli, siis unustasin ma kiita lavalist julgust, üksteise toetamist, julgeid pakkumisi, teemade tagasitoomist jne vaid hakkasin kohe rääkima nö tehnilisest poolest, nagu millal tuleks mäng laval ära lõpetada, kuidas hoida ühist joont kogu etendusel, mis jäi venima  jne.

Õudne! Automaatne reaktsioon ei ole mitte "Hei, väga äge! Väga tublid!" vaid kohe nimekiri asjadest mida võiks paremini teha.

 Jäin peale etendust ka natuke jämmima ja avastasin taaskord, kui äge ja hoopis teine tunne on improtada võhivõõraste inimestega (või siis tuttavatega, keda tihti ei näe).

Eks olen ka hiljuti rohkem mõelnud, et võiks jämmida vahel kuskil. Olen proovinud jõuda, aga pole aega leidnud. Enda etendused ja projektid võtavad aja naksti ära. Samas ma arvan, et jämm aitaks meelde tuletada mõningaid asju, mis püsivate tehniliste proovide ja etenduste ajal ära võib ununeda.
Igal juhul, ka  impros on variatsiooni vaja, et oleks värske ja põnev. Kogu aeg ei peagi olema mõnus ja turvaline - nagu eluski.

Spämmeri Pihtimused

Seoses igasuguste etendustega olen ma oma näoraamatu sõbralistis ikka kohutavalt palju kutseid saatnud. Ei imestaks kui nii mõnigi inimene oleks mind seepärast oma sõbralistist eemaldanud. Aga tõsilugu ta on, et saadetud ürituse kutse võtab suurest hulgast vastu vaid käputäis ning neistki jõuab etendusele kohale ... noh mõni... ja iga äraütlemise kohta tuleb mul teavitus (brr, kas keegi teab kust selle maha saaks võtta - igasuguse motivatsiooni võtab maha)

Kuidagi on see nii olnud, et ma ei suuda paljudele oma sõpradele ega pereliikmetele selgeks teha, et "Hei, me teeme ägedat asja! Tule vaatama!". Okei, tundub vahel et esimest poolt usutakse, aga noh vaatama ikka ei jõuta.

Ausalt öeldes tihtilugu tunnen ma isegi süümepiinu kutseid välja saates - no mida ma spammin kui keegi ei tule.

Samas on mitmed sõbrad otse öelnud, et väga tahaksid vaatama tulla aga kunagi ükski aeg ei sobi ja et palun kutsu ikka edasi, küll kunagi ikka jõuab. Nohhjahh. Tõsi, üksikud enda kutsutud ootamatud külalised on tõesti ka etendustele jõudnud selle kahe ja poole aasta jooksul. Aga siiski vaid üksikud.

Seega, ma loodan et inimesed ütlevad mulle, kui enam kutseid ei taha saada.

Ma olen äärmiselt tänulik kogu meie publikule, aga ma olen kuidagi kurb, et nende seas endiselt nii vähe mu sõpru/tuttavaid on (heh, kuigi nö püsipublik o juba väga sõbrad) ... paljude teiste jaoks ei ole Impro vist üldse nii äge tegevus, kui minu jaoks.

* Publiku hulga üle ma ei virise. On vahel rohkem vahel vähem, aga vähemalt on :)

Tilt, Tilt ja veelkord Tilt

Hea sõber Rahel kribas eile:

Selgituskiri kõigile minu sõpradele.

Tänase päeva seisuga on veel vaid 9 päeva improfestivali Tilt alguseni. Mis tähendab, et ma jagan teile erinevaid improteemalisi teavitusi eriti aktiivselt veel vähemalt 12 päeva. Siis saate natuke puhkust. Ja mina ka 

Miks ma teid spämmin?
Sest ma tean, et teie hulgas on veel neid, kes pole improt kunagi näinud, aga on sellegipoolest veendunud, et see on halb teater (inimesed lähevad ju lavale lihtsalt pulli tegema, kes siis seda ei oskaks!). Ja muidugi neid, kellega kokku saades tekib umbes selline dialoog: "oi, jaa, ma olen kuulnud küll, et sa teed seda asja.. oot aga kuidas see käib teil seal täpselt.. teil on ju ikka asjad ette kokku lepitud... aa.. ei ole.. kuule aga anna mulle ka teada kui teil jälle midagi tuleb..". Well this is it. Meil tuleb nüüd suur rahvusvaheline festival ja ma annan sellest teada! Ja muidugi ka selle pärast, et nende inimeste ring, kes on improt näinud ja kellele see meeldis on aina suurenev 

Miks ma kogu selle jamaga üldse vaeva näen?
Nojah, need, kes on improt näinud või teinud, need teavad:) Olen nüüdseks tegelenud improga umbes kuus aastat. Eelmise aasta kõige meeldejäävamateks hetkedeks oskasin nimetada osalemise teisel Soome rahvusvahelisel improteatrite festivalil ja muidugi Tilti. Need kaks üritust eristusid suurelt ja selgelt kogu ülejäänud aastast. Teate miks? Energia poolest. Ja see ongi see, miks impro eristub kõigest muust. See energia ja sünergia, mis on proovides ja laval kui kamp inimesi vabatahtlikult paneb endast kõik välja, et partnerit laval toetada ja selles hetkes tema jaoks olemas olla. Seda enam palju mujal ei kohta. Ja see energia jõuab ka lavalt saali. Võib ilmselt öelda, et ma olen sellest energiast kergelt sõltuvuses. Mulle meeldib seda luua ja mulle meeldib sellest puudutatud saada. Ja see annab minu jaoks kõigele sellele "vaevale" mõtte.

Mida teie selle spämmi osas ette võtta saate?
No te saate mind muidugi oma voost peita. Kuigi... impro on nii minu asi, et.. kui te ei taha teada, mis ma teen, siis miks me üldse sõbrad oleme siin? Või võite öelda: kallis sõber, ära saada mulle enam neid kutseid. Siiamaani on töötanud küll. Aga mis te veel teha saate, on võtta julgus kokku ja tulla meid vaatama. Eriti festivali ja siia saabuvaid väliskülalisi. Nad tulevad teile suhteliselt võileiva hinna eest kätte ka (üks pilet Treiler šõule võrdub kahe R-kioski võileiva hinnaga). Noh.. ja siis teid enam aasta pärast see spämm ei häiri. Sest te teate, mis selle taga on

Ikka teie,
Rahel

Ja nii on. Mina ka olen spämminud juba ohhjumal kui palju. On inimesi, kes on öelnud, et "Aitäh teavitamast, tundub huvitav. Kindlasti uurin." ja on olnud ka neid, kes on palunud mitte rohkem neile kribada sellel teemal.

Aga põhiline on see, et impro on mul nii hinges sees ja see on tõesti üks kord aastas kui ma muutun spämmimasinaks mida isegi kärsaraamat juba peatada tahab.

Kes aga kärsaraamatus ei ole ja festivaliga veel kursis ei ole, siis peagi on see kohal.
Lisainfo Etenduste ja Töötubade kohta: improfestival.ee

Ka hooandja on veel käimas http://www.hooandja.ee/projekt/toome-adami-ja-emily-improteatrite-festivalile-tilt Toetades saate endale soetada uhke festivali koti ja/või lipsu, mis spetsiaalselt selle ürituse tarvis loodud (ja palju muud ka)

Piletid juba müügis piletilevis. Töötubadesse saab ennast regada läbi meie tubli Eva.

Tulemas FB's kampaania tasuta piletite ja fääntsi pääntsi limusiinisõidu peale.
Pulli on tulemas ka Solarise keskuses.
Eile sai meid natuke kuulata Klassikaraadios Delfi teatri osas
Tilgakujulised tilti logod ilutsevad südalinnas plakatitel

 jne.

...

Jah, seda on veel tulemas, aga ärge palun pahandage. Tulge parem vaatama!

Magamine, see on nagu improteater

Ärkasin täna hommikul, vaatasin kella, mis ütles 5:50 ja mõtlesin, et nii: natukene vähem kui kahe tunni pärast on äratus, samas 6 tundi on juba magatud. Seega enamik unevajadusest on täidetud ja praegu on täitsa vinksvonks olla - kunagi ei tea, kui hea on olla, peale seda kui uuesti magama minna ja üles tõusta. Pealegi oli viimane uni täitsa meeldiv ja positiivne. (Miks ma siis üles ärkasin? Vot ei teagi, mingit otsast põhjust nagu polnudki. Äkki saigi aku täis?)

Tabasin ennast mõttel, et veel kunagi ammu oleks ma sellise kella-aja peale lihtsalt miskit ebamäärast podisenud ja uuesti kerra tõmmanud, sest lihtsalt kell oli nii vähe ning mul on tunne, et enamik inimesi nii teebki. Praegu aga ei ole kellaaeg minu jaoks üldse nii tähtis kui enesetunne. Kogemus on öelnud, et peab oskama õigel ajal lõpetada ja enamik nendest kordadest, kus ma olen edasi tudunud, olen ma hiljem ennast oluliselt rohkem väsinuna tundnud.

Hommikukohvi kõrval aga tekkis mul peas seos, et magamine, see on nagu improteater:
* üksi on tore, aga kellegagi koos on alati toredam
* peab oskama õigel ajal lõpetada (impro pikas vormis kui emotsioon on üleval ja tundub õige.. unega suht sama)
* lapsed oskavad loomulikult, aga täiskasvanud peavad uuesti õppima (ah, et sa oskad magada? kaua sul võtab aega, et magama jääda, oo sa täiskasvanud tõsine inimene, kes sa oma mõtteid peatada ei suuda?)
* seal on kindel tehnika, aga see mis tehnika sees toimub on paras kaos.
* kunagi ei tea täpselt, mis välja tuleb
* enamasti annab energiat
* annab teha üle, nii et energia hakkab langema (kes ei oleks ennast üle maganud?)
* mida rohkem õpid, kuidas seda teha, seda rohkem on veel õppida ja seda keerulisemaks/kallimaks õppimine läheb (lucid dreaming näiteks)
* pärast on vaja natukene taastumis-/kohanemisaega
* leevendab stressi
* nakkab
* mõlemat on eluks vaja!

Noh, teatrirahvas, kes tahab võib juurde kütta :P

Cheers!

Improvisioon veebis nähtav

Ehk siis etendus, kus me kõik usinasti laval kõvasti ja valesti (aga see-eest uhkelt ja leidlikult) laulsime ja mille tulekut ma siin postituses mainisin on nüüd stseen stseeni haaval netis üleval. Tõsi, vahepealse osa ja publikuga suhtlemise lõikasime välja - see on päris kontakt, mida ei anna lihtsalt videoga edasi anda.

Lühimängud on aga nähtavad siin playlistis:



Kõik laval on siis kohapeal koostööna välja mõeldud.
On peal isegi väike impro ja improrahva igatsus.

Ohjahh, nagu üks töökaaslasest publiku liige sellesamuse etenduse vahepausil küsis:

"Mis sa oled laval kaine vä?"

Jah, :) see on tehnika. Lõbutsemise tehnika

Improv(e) your Life

So first of all I want to call out that I don't see myself an improv actor. It is a hobby and I am very passionate about it. I am quite new in it (as is most of Estonia), but I do have years of experience in live action role play, school theater and I have learned some psychodrama and drama therapy.

Regardless (and maybe because) of that I would like to share some ideas, my personal point of view, of how improv improved my life and might as well improve your life.

[PS: English is not my native language, so I'm truly sorry for the stiffness of this text.]

Background

Five years ago a dear friend of mine (lets call her "R") started a improv group in Estonia (the first Improv theater in Estonia was ironically created just a month before that) and while I was reluctant to join in, I visited the shows quite often. It was amazing, mad, scary, cool, empowering and had some strange feeling of freedom in it. I also started to notice similar freedom while talking to R.

It took some years before I gathered my courage and joined the improv workshops and later also the theater group. (so keep in mind, I have been only in group improv and have never done it alone).
A year and a half has passed from it, and while I am still the same person, I have definitely changed, and I think for the better. I is not only the freedom, being in the present, having fun, saying yes to what life brings you, supporting your partner and having trust for yourself and others that improv brings out in a person. It is also the repetitive games and shows that will make an imprint in the memory that reach the surface and remind you something important when you are coping with the real life challenges that all of us have.

Presence

It is not so easy as it sounds, to be there, to be in the moment and notice even the small details. However in improv that is what we do. The aim is to use up as much information as you have on stage and build up from that (use up what you have and don't leave too many loose ends) In one workshop last year (in FiiF 2) we created a full scene from a sniff that a actor next to me did (the scene was about a gas leak.. but not only that).

In real life, we don't notice small details so often but it is easier if you have trained yourself in it. It also comes to listening skills. In a long format improv play you have to be aware of the play, even when you are not making the scene yourself - it is your job later in the play to combine what you have seen with what your character is doing to get a effective storyline. Also, it is always possible that your character gets a name, while you are not on the stage. 

When you notice the small details you can also combine them in your head into a longer story or just use them to better understand the situation (like Sherlock Holmes does).
As it turns out - I now quite often notice what other people don't see at all. This does not mean that that I notice everything. My previous life experience determines what I notice better and improv has just stretched the limits of this.

You get like you own extended way of seeing patterns in the world and I'm not only talking about the inanimate objects. You also notice better the changes in moods (your own and others) ... and can be there in time of need (because, you were the one who noticed that there actually is a need). And this brings us to the next point:

It's never about the cake

Last year I participated in a workshop with the same name. You could wrap up the main idea of this workshop with following sentence:"If you bake a cake to a loved one, it is not the cake that matters, but the emotions behind it - the cake is just a tool for expressing emotions.." It is easy to take so many things in life for granted, but in most cases there are emotions behind it. So for the next time, when someone makes you breakfast, don't see it as a free happy meal, but try to see the emotions that caused him/her to make you the breakfast and be grateful for it.  

While you learn how to notice and handle emotions on stage, you will also do it better in real life.

Main mantra

You can not fail in improv. You can always improve yourself, but what you do, is already ok as it is. It does sound like life itself, doesn't it? Life, where you have learned to accept yourself as you are.
There are no mistakes on stage and the group is there to support you as you are there to support them. Also, you will never know what will happen next on the stage - we are creating the story together as a group and everyone plays a role in it.

In this sense the stage is a good metaphor for life.

Change is the only constant and all you can do is to be prepared for it and accept it as it comes and hopefully do it with a supporting group.

You can not go solo

Being with improvisers in a off stage situation (like a pub or club) is a positive experience in itself. As they are used to support others on stage, they also are more supporting off stage.

However on stage it is even more empowering to know that you have people around you who will catch you in case you fall. They are there to support you, but also to challenge you time to time. It is a kind of inside humor in improv to challenge someone on stage and see how they can handle it.
And why wouldn't you handle it?

If you get stuck, the same people you challenged you will also help you to conquer the challenge. Like this you will learn how to better trust yourself and also people around you.

Though I still would not recommend doing a trust fall in the middle of the street with random people around.

Hidden impact

While there is surely direct impact of improv to your attitude and way of looking at life, there is also impact that is not so easily noticed. It is just caused by the repetitive games and activities on stage and can later on give you an "Ahaa, I know how to handle this" moment in life.

Let me give you an example.

There is a simple warm up game (often called "passing on" or "juggling") where players stand in a circle and start throwing a ball* randomly to each other so that everyone has received the ball once and passed it on once. When the pattern of throwing the ball is set it is repeated some times and then a new different color ball is added with a new pattern and then also a third one.

You can use as many different balls as your group can handle. The aim in the end is to keep all the patterns and balls going on at the same time.

* You can also play it without a ball but using words/names with touch of emotion. For example, in the first patterns everyone says a different French name with as much love as possible, the second patter is with angry emotion and a Russian name etc.

In my opinion there are two major learning points in this game that you can also use in real life:

1) You don't need to remember the whole pattern. Just remember who passes you what and where you have to pass it on.

2) If you get stuck and all the balls are eventually tossed to you, there is no need for panic. Just take your time to cope with the situation and start all the patterns yourself.

I like to remind myself of this game when I have several different projects going on at the same time and I have to juggle between them. The first learning point reminds me that you only need to concentrate on what is important at the moment - having/remembering too much information can just make it more difficult to juggle. Just let everyone play their own role and you play yours. And if you really screw up or burn down, the second point is helpful. Just calm down, take full responsibility and start the everything again from the start.

Summary

Not a lot of people know that I have a tendency to fall into the depressive side of life. However Improv is one of the tools that I use to keep going, have fun and enjoy life. It is like a antidepressant. One hour of doing Improv games with a group that you trust can improve the mood significantly while keeping the Improv attitude in day to day life can prevent falling to the dark side.

For sure, I did not get all of the benefits of Improv listed here, but at least some of them.

Feel free to try it out yourself if you are interested.

(In case you are from Estonia you can find information about improv shows and workshops at improv.ee)