Our language is strange

Usually people say that it is a bit strange that we have no future and no gender in Estonian language. That is true, we use present tense for future and when it comes to the gender, well we just hope we get it right. We have no HE or SHE, the word we use for it is gender neutral. Most of the names we have give a good hint on the gender of the person, but trust me, there is still confusion time to time. For example, there are 157 women named Rahel in Estonia, but also five men. Your assumpion of the gender might sometimes be wrong.

What I find really facinating however is the combination of dark and light we have in our language. We often combine positive and negative words together.

Hirmus Ilus - very beautyful (direct translation: scary beautyful)

Sometimes we also combine negative words to positive activity. 

Nad Muretsevad lapsi- they are trying to get children (direct translation: They are worrying children)

As I have been told, this strange combination is not unique to our language. Therefore I will not stay too long on it. What is stranger than these word combinations, are the words that can themselves be both positive and negative.

Arm - gentelness and care, love. scar

Mu Arm - my love, my darling, my scar

Can be quite confusing when you are learning the language, right? A know Estonian song  goes like this: "Head lapsed need kasvavad vitsata, arm aitab enam kui hirm" meaning something like "Good children grow without beating, scar/love helps better than fear." True, we all know that they mean love in the song, but just think about it - the whole story of the song changes when you just take the other meaning of the same word.

There is another word that shows tenderness, but can (with a small change) turn into total opposite.

Pai - gentle stroke of hair. It is something we do, to show our affection and love.

Paine - by the language rules (pai+'ne) it should mean something like "covered with the gentle strokes of hair", but don't be fooled. This word means nightmare, pressure or deep long frustration. That escalated fast?!

A strange language we have indeed.
This is end of the lesson for today.

Aitäh, mu kallis lugeja! - Thank you my dear/expensive reader!

Cheers!

Looking back at my first work experience

[ I wrote this a few weeks ago as a homework between interviews. The task itself was this: Describe your first work experience and your main learnings from it in 500 words or more. So I did. To be honest, it is not actually my first work experience, but the longest summer job I have had - so it had more of "the real job" feeling and experience, than the others. 

 As a friend mentioned that he would like to read it, I will share it also here.]

It was the summer of 2002, the end of July, and four kids, who had never met before, went to Finland to do some farm work. It wasn’t that they all had a passion for farms or any real interest in it, it was just a job – an easy way to earn some proper money. It was a temporary thing for one month.
 

We met on the day of the departure and had a 2 hour boat trip and more than 6 hours on a train, spending almost a day on travelling alone. Our bags were full and heavy. The salaries in Finland were higher than in Estonia, but so were the prices. Therefore to prevent any unnecessary expenses we took everything we needed with us. We had enough food to cover the time we stayed there. Mainly macaroni’s and cans with meat, but also some sweets in case you wanted to restore energy fast.
 

After the trip it was just the four of us. Four kids in the countryside of Finland, surrounded by forests, giant greenhouses and friendly locals. I shared a flat with another guy in our group and in addition to the rent, we also had to pay for electricity and water we used. We also got two old bicycles. While the girls in our group had a small cottage that was next to the farm, we had to ride for 20 minutes on bikes to get there. 20 minutes of riding every morning and 20 back every evening. But we also had a small benefit: there was a small shop next to our flat. While it was expensive, it was the closest shop there was.
 

Every workday started with “Huomenta” (good morning in Finnish) in the main house. Light breakfast and dark, even oil like, coffee was available for every employee. The coffee was really strong – after having a cup on the first day I stayed awake more than 30 hours. In Estonia I was used to drinking coffee, but I had never before had something so strong.
 

After the breakfast we got the instructions for the day. There was a language barrier - only one girl in our group spoke Finnish and the locals did not speak Estonian or English. Therefore a lot of tasks were instructed in Finnish with the aid of improvised hand signs and bits and pieces of English. Somehow it all worked.
 

We were extra helping hands for the busiest time period and helped out with anything they needed. On some days we packed dill and salad. First we grouped them by weight, then inserted the material to packing machine and after that collected all the ready products in a carton box. Sometimes we helped with loading trucks. On other days we collected sea buckthorns with “vahvad hanskad” (strong gloves). Even with gloves, it still took about a week for your hands to heal – the thorns were sharp and there were plenty of them.
 

Our group was not a group of friends, but a temporary collaboration – just as with the locals. In a way, it felt like exile, I was cut off from rest of the world. I did not have a mobile phone, but even if I had, it would have been too expensive to call back home. There was no internet and no computers. The only communication I had from the outside world was from my family via fax – they wrote me twice.
 

It was a long month, full of insight, solitude and thoughts. Surely I learned a lot about planning, dill, salad, packing and other farm work. I also learned not to trust Finish coffee, but I think the biggest learning I had, was about myself. How I can handle solitude and appreciate what I have, even if it is not a lot.

Püsivad ja ajutised asjad elus

Täna hommikul jõudis unesegasena mulle kohale, et mitmed asjad on minu jaoks tunnetuslikul tasandil jaotatud nö püsivateks või ajutisteks nähtusteks ning vastavalt jaotisele suhtun ma neisse erinevalt. Ma usun, et paljudel on selline jaotus ning see mutub vastavalt eluseisule.

Järgnev on lihtsalt minu hetke sisemise jaotuse peegeldus. (ja ma olen ka kindel, et kõik asjad ei tule siin kirjutades meelde).

Püsivad

SöökVõibolla on asi selles, et ma pole kunagi kogenud suurt nälga, aga söök on minu jaoks olnud alati püsiv nähtus. Ehk on see ka põhjus, miks ma söön ennast väga harva üle. Alati on midagi süüa ja kui ei ole siis saab seda juurde hankida. Sellepärast ma ei pööra söögile ka väga palju tähelepanu ning söön seda, mida on. Kui ma tõesti söön külmkapist miskit ära, mida partner tahaks ise nosida, siis jumala eest, alati saab juurde tuua - see on ju kõigest söök.
Kartulisalat näiteks on pidupäeva toit, aga eks neid pidupäevigi ole olnud niivõrd palju, et see on muutunud kuidagi ... tavaliseks.

Internet
Facebook, twitter, uudised, filmid, sarjad jne on kogu aeg olemas ja olgi, et eks ma isegi jään vahel sinna tuiama, häirib mind see ajakulu mis sinna läheb. Ega internet pole jänes, mis eest ära jookseb. Sa võid igal hetkel sellega tegeleda ning minu jaoks on see tõsiselt vajalik vaid siis, kui mul on vaja lihtsalt aega veeta (pikk bussisõit, kellegi ootamine jne) või aju mõnest muust asjast puhata.

Lugemine

Lugemisega on minu jaoks umbes sama tunnetus, mis internetiga - ajaveetmine või aju puhkamine, aga ega see eest ära ei jookse. Siin on aga konflikt, sest raamatud on siiski asjad ning asjad on minu jaoks ajutised.

 

Asjad
Asjad tulevad ja lähevad aga nende liikumine on minu jaoks justkui omamoodi konstant. Mind kuidagi segavad esemed ja asjad, mida keegi ei kasuta. Miks on mul hunnik T-Särke, mis passivad tühja, samas kui kindlasti leidub maailmas inimesi, kes neid rohkem vajaks ja väärtustaks? Iga asi mis ei ole kasutuses, on minu jaoks kuidagi ressursi raiskamine. Muidugi ma laenan oma raamatuid välja, kui ma ise neid samal ajal ei loe ja vahel ei saagi neid pärast tagasi. Kunagi oli mul terve sõrmuste isanda seeria riiulis, kõikide lisadega. Sellest on alles vaid kääbik ja kuhu ja kelle kätte teised raamatud liikusid - pole enam õrna aimugi. Ju siis kellegil teisel oli neid rohkem vaja. Olgu siis nii.
Mul on seega ka väga vähe asju, mis on sentimentaalse tähendusega ning mille kadumise või katki mineku puhul ma tõesti kurb oleksin.

 

Ajutised

Inimesed
Inimesed tulevad ja lähevad. Nii meie elus kui ka üldse elus. Väärtustagem neid, niikaua kuni nad meil on.

 

Elu

On ajutine ning olgugi, et paljude jaoks võib see tunduda morbiidne mõte, siis minu jaoks aitab see elu just pigem väärtustada.

 

Inspiratsioon

Ohoo, kui see tuleb peale, siis see on ikka korralikult peal ja nii on. See on üks nendest kohtadest mu elus, kus ma tõesti luban edal muutuda kiirrongiks, mis kihutab vaid ühes suunas, unustades mõneks ajaks kõik muu. Millegi loomine on väärtus omaette.

Võibolla on asi ka selles, et ideedel on kombeks painata ajusoppe, kuniks nad sealt välja saavad. (tõsi, vajadusel saab kasutada planeerimise taktikat. Vaatad aga ideele sügavalt otsa ja ütled: "Nii, praegu mul pole aega sinuga tegeleda, aga näe homme kell 12 on mul sinu jaoks aega. Ma panen su ilusasti siia kirja, eksole, ning selle ajani ära palun tülita mind.)

Hetk olla

See on veits kummaline värk aga mulle vahel meeldib lihtsalt olla. Olla ja tajuda. Eriti pimeduses (elagu Eesti talved). See annab kuidagi energiat, toob mind rohkem hetkesse kohale. Ei, ma ei lesi pimeduses mõeldes asjade peale, ma lihtsalt olen. Nagu omamoodi meditatsioon - pinna peal oled sa kohal aga kuskil alateadvuses saavad mõtted aega olla ning tulevad sealt hiljem oluliselt paremini välja. Sa nagu looksid tühja ruumi enda jaoks, mida on võimalik täita.

Äge oleks ka kahekesi nii lihtsalt olla, aga seda kogemust pole mul olnud.

Kontakt

See on see kui sa jagad teise inimesega (või ka mitmuses) midagi nii võimast, et ajataju kaob.
See võib olla seksuaalne kontakt, võib ka olla lihtsalt flirt ja tõmme, aga võib ka olla emotsionaalne või kummaliselt hingelis-spirituaalne kontakt. Samamoodi võib see olla mäng ja lapsik koos lollitamine. Seda on raske sõnastada. See on see peale mida sa tunned, et olid täielikult nähtud ja aksepteeritud, nii nagu sa oled oma kiiksude, veidruste ja kummaliste mõtetega. Sa tunned hinges soojust ja põlemist ning su usk inimkonda on suurenenud. Tore, noh!

See ei ole midagi sellist, mida sa saad sundida, aga kui see tuleb siis see hetk või kogemus lihtsalt ... jätab sinu sisse miski hõõguva jälje ning sind tabab soe lainetus alati kui mõtled sellele kogemusele tagasi.

Kokkuvõte

Midagi oleks nagu puudu, eksole? Mul on siin jaotus, aga puudu on seletus. 

Siin see siis on: Minu jaoks on ajutised asjad ALATI tähtsamad kui püsivad. 

Siin siis mõned näited:
* Olles inspireeritud ja loomingutuhinas või mõne inimesega kandvas kontaktis (ka impros juhtub seda tihti), ei oma söök tähtsust, ma lihtsalt unustan selle - kui see tunne enam ei kanna, vot siis võib kõht tühjaks minna.

* Kirehoos (kontakt) ei oma tähtsust asjad, mis ette jäävad. Kui need lähevad katki, siis need lähevad katki - alati saab uued osta ning siis pole need mitte lihtsalt uued asjad vaid uued asjad, millel on oma lugu rääkida, mis teeb seest soojaks.

* Ma ei suuda täielikult mõista probleeme emotsioone, mis on seotud minu jaoks püsivate asjadega. Midagi läks katki ja see ei ole sentimentaalse väärtusega? Savi, ostame uue, kui on vaja. Sööki on vähe, fain pood on lähedal jne. Vahel on mul isegi raske mõista teiste tugevaid emotsioone selles vallas, sest mul neid lihtsalt ei ole (eks igaühel ole omad prioriteedid)

* Kahekesi koos filmi/sarja vaatamine või üksteise otsas lösutades raamatu lugemine on küll äärmiselt tore tegevus ... tihti (aga mitte alati!) istub mul sellel ajal kuskil ajusopis segav tunne, et me raiskame aega ja elu. Selle tegevuse asemel võiks olla nii palju enamat. Raamatud, filmid, sarjad - need ei kao kuhugi. Inimesed samas - nii mina kui ka persoon mu kõrval - on ajutised. Võiks hoopis teha midagi koos ning olla täielikus kontaktis. No kui nüüd mõtlema hakata siis eks mõne filmi lõpp on jäänud kunagi ka nägemata sest kirehoog tuli peale, aga see on hoopis teine jutt.

Muidugi, jah, kui valik langeb mitme ajutise väärtuse vahele, siis see on juba keerulisem ning oleneb täielikult hetke vajadustest ning sisemisest puudujäägist - elik, mis on see, mida mul kõige rohkem hetkel vaja on.


Sellised mõtted siis tänasest hommikust. Millised on aga sinu püsivad ja ajutised asjad elus?

Cheers!

 

Keskea kriis

Enne sünnipäeva sattusin lugema miskit artiklit keskea kriisi kohta. Ei mäleta enam täpselt, kus ja mida (seega viidata ei saa). Küll aga salvestasin ma sealt posu küsimusi ning mõtlesin nüüd, et võiks need tegelikult ju hoopis siia üles pista. Täitsa pädevad küsimused mille üle mõtiskleda.

Millise tundega ma elan oma igapäevast elu?
    Mis on mulle tähtis; mis teeb mind õnnelikuks; kuhu ma panustan aega ja raha ja millistesse projektidesse, suhetesse ja inimestesse panustan oma energiat?
    Kuidas on seis minu tööalase eneseteostusega?
    Milline on minu rahaline seis?
    Kui rahul olen ma oma koduga?
    Millest annab märku minu tervis; mida ma söön; kuidas ma liigun, puhkan, hingan?
    Millised on minu suhted ja miks?
    Milliseid suhteid ma tahaksin?
    Kas ma hoolitsen oma hinge eest ja kuidas?
    Ega ma liiga tõsiseks täiskasvanuks pole hakanud: millal ma viimati olin õues paljajalu, mängisin kellegagi padja- või lumesõda; puhusin seebimulle, paitasin kutsikat või laulsin duši all? Millal ma viimati südamest naersin, nii et pisarad silmanurkades?
    Mis tasakaalustab mind, kui olen stressis või kurnatud?
    Milliseid harjumusi ma tahaksin asendada ja millega? Mis aitab mul oma harjumusi muuta?
    Kas ma tegelen oma uskumuste ja hirmude analüüsimise ja muutmisega, emotsioonide valitsemisega?
    Kui mu elu läheb edasi nii nagu seni ja seda veel 5–10 aastat, siis kuidas ma ennast tunneksin?

On Humor, Again

Yesterday I watched Patch Adams, a Robin Williams movie, that had been in my waiting list for a really-really long time. I don't know why I did not pick it up earlier, it was good.

After the movie I checked out the real Patch Adams and ended up with watching a full 2 hours lecture with him. While I have never been in a clown uniform, there was so much I could relate to, so much I believed to be true, so much that made sense. It was inspiring. Here are some thughts inspired from it.

Connection
In his opinion a lot of so called illnesses can be healed by simple but real human connection. Depression is just a feeling of deep loneliness. All you need for not being alone is a friend, one real friend. How do you know that you have a real friend? If thinking about this person makes you feel better, calms you down, fills your heart with warmth, he is a friend.
 

What he did not really say out is that you also need time. Without taking time to connect, there will be no connection.

 When he agrees to be your family doctor, he will have a interview with you that lasts at least 4 hours (you can only imagine how much he knows about you after that time) and after that he will come to your home and poke around in your stuff. Why? Because he believes that being a family doctor is a job for a lifetime, a deep connection and friendship for a lifetime. To have a connection you must share yourself.


Connection is one thing I have mentioned several times. I value it highly and I share it. Just as a hospital clown notices a sad person and goes to help him, so do I. True, I'm not in silly clothes and maybe I don't know what I am doing, but as soon as I see someone sad, I want to connect with him. It is nowdays even easier with te internet. I can just ping him and listen with heart full of compassion, maybe share some experience of my own. That's it. It does not have to be much, but it makes a difference and I just want to do it.


Hugging is also important. Long hugs, where you feel the following three things, are the best: I am fully giving;I am fully receiving; Damn, this is nice! Hugging is a full contact with your full body and mind. Strange to think that I have hugged so much in my life and there are some hugs that I will always remember. The hugs that made you forget space and time, where you could just go on forever, that is just two people sharing the moment.

I don't get it when people get bored during a hug or try to just get done with it, especially when there is no hurry.

Is there really something more important than human connection?


Laughs

Why do I tweet but do not update comicz page a lot or even do not write regular blog posts? Not that anyone has ever asked. What has been asked is why I have so many social outputs in internet at all. I have several friends who even do not have a Facebook account (real friends not made up ... Yes THEY really do exist) and I totally understand why. So often FB is just a waste of time.

Still, back to the main question: Why oh why do I tweet?

The following story might explain it.

We had a really long ride in the bus, five bloody hours. I was listening to music and thinking random thoughts while my friend next to me tried to knit. Suddenly I got a thought that was just so random, but in a way funny - I immediately posted it to Twitter and then went back to listening music. After a few minutes my friend checked the internet on her phone and burst out laughing.

"Where the hell do you get these ideas?"  she asked.
"I have no idea, they just come up in my head," I shrugged.

 I get random ideas and thoughts, that make me smile, but that burst of laughter is the reason why I share them.

I have developed my sense of humor since I was eleven. Humor helps us to cope with life, with the darkness of it all. After almost two decades of practicing with jokes my brain already has some idea on how to find them or put them together. It is not so conscious as I would like but it definitely works. Finding the strange silly connections is almost automatic.

As the teachers used to say "Would like to share with the whole class what you are laughing about?" Well, thank you for asking. Yes. Yes I would.

Maybe the joke is funny. Maybe the person reading the joke finds it funny. Maybe he has had a really merde (pardon my French) day and this was the first time he smiled during the day? Who knows? But if I have the option to make someone smile, laugh out with tears or bring them closer to Zen enlightenment, I will do it.

Yeah, I try to make the world a better place with one smile at a time. Why not, eh?
It does not take a lot to make someone smile and it is worth it.


Fool

Often, while making a joke, there can also be a backlash - you can make a fool of yourself.

A lot of us have a fear that we don't want to seem stupid, however this risk is always there when you make fun. Humor often comes from the childish part of us that asks silly questions orhave strange ideas that do not make sense.

Consider this joke: A gecko claps only once in a lifetime and after that it is in constant "excellent" mode.

We know that geckos have no idea of what clapping is, so this is already absurd. We know from biology that if a gecko should put his hands together, they are not really glued together. So this statement is false on so many levels.

However, it is something we can imagine when we turn to our inner child. Imagine a gecko who is watching a really good show... Lets say that on telly or in theatre, laughs really hard and claps and ... Darn! Hands are glued together. Forever! Urrghh!

So, a person reading this sentence might think that it is funny, but he might also think that it is false and, as I am the one sharing this false information, I must be stupid.

Jokes are often unreal combinations of different things we notice in life, they don't have to be true, they have to be funny. Still, believe me or not, I have seen several discussions that have started from a simple joke of mine and that try to find the truth. I am always surprised by it. Why people do it? Is truth really more important than being happy? For real?

And the important question is: Can a mime rhyme?

Cheers!